It's been almost three months now without Annie. During this time, I've been adjusting to a new normal. One that is filled with a lot more silence but not nearly as much emptiness as I'd expected.
God has been so gracious to comfort me in a hundred ways that I never could have imagined. I've also felt a tugging reminding me that I need to seek comfort from Him when things upset me, which is when I normally would have turned to Annie. I didn't realize how often I looked to her for comfort, but now I'm keenly aware of it.
The time without her has not all been easy. Tears slide down my cheeks at unsuspecting moments, often right before bed. And there have been times when I've had to interrupt my autopilot to remind myself that routines have changed in her absence.
Part of me really wants to adopt another Golden right now. I've allowed myself to check the website for rescue Goldens, but in my heart, I know that now isn't the time. I'm trying to pay off some bills, but more than that, I want to get into the habit of turning to God instead of to a pet or a person for comfort. I would love for that to be my default before I adopt another dog. And I'm praying for God to show me whether it's wise for me to adopt again since I know that Annie will be the standard to which all other dogs will be compared.
So there's a lot of heart work going on right now. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. It just takes time to turn from old ways.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Summer Time
Despite having been out of grad school for 11 years now, I still miss the feel of summer breaks. I think after all those years of schooling, my body got into a rhythm of studying hard and knowing that there'd be mandatory respites carved into the calendar.
Now, summers are usually one of the busiest times at work, and I seldom take off for a real break without combining it with a continuing education seminar. And so it feels like summers just slip away.
But I've realized that I need to make my own "summer time." Even if I can't take three months off, I can still enjoy summer's fun activities. I just need to be more intentional about scheduling them on evenings and weekends.
And while I was pondering this, I came across this list of "101 Bits of Summer Fun," thanks to Ann Voskamp, and had the perfect starting point. I love that the list includes service-oriented bits of fun, like taking books to a children's hospital, working in a soup kitchen, and taking cookies to a fire station. I've picked out some of the "bits" from the list and added some of my own.
I've penned the date-specific activities on the calendar and the rest I'll pick and choose from each week. I'm hoping that these last eight weeks of summer don't speed by as quickly as the first four did!
Now, summers are usually one of the busiest times at work, and I seldom take off for a real break without combining it with a continuing education seminar. And so it feels like summers just slip away.
But I've realized that I need to make my own "summer time." Even if I can't take three months off, I can still enjoy summer's fun activities. I just need to be more intentional about scheduling them on evenings and weekends.
And while I was pondering this, I came across this list of "101 Bits of Summer Fun," thanks to Ann Voskamp, and had the perfect starting point. I love that the list includes service-oriented bits of fun, like taking books to a children's hospital, working in a soup kitchen, and taking cookies to a fire station. I've picked out some of the "bits" from the list and added some of my own.
I've penned the date-specific activities on the calendar and the rest I'll pick and choose from each week. I'm hoping that these last eight weeks of summer don't speed by as quickly as the first four did!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Redeemer
I've seen how God has redeemed marriages that looked like there was no way they would survive. I've also seen how He has redeemed certain dates on the calendar--replacing the anniversary of a friend's divorce with a new proposal and changing a date marked to remember a death to a date to celebrate the life of a newborn. But I never suspected He would redeem other insignificant events.
Remember back when I tried to go to a Green River Ordinance concert but couldn't make myself go in because there were no assigned seats? If not, the recap is here.
Not too long after that, I heard that GRO was playing a free concert at a church here in town on a Friday evening. One band was going to open for them, and then GRO was going to take the stage about 8 p.m. I knew that after a long day at work, it would be hard to stay for long after 8 p.m., but I thought I'd at least get to hear a few of their songs.
On the night of the concert, to my delight, they announced that GRO would be playing first. I was able to see their whole show for free. It may seem small and insignificant, but to me, it was a reminder that God sees and hears our smallest desires. It was a redeeming concert just for me, by His grace alone.
Remember back when I tried to go to a Green River Ordinance concert but couldn't make myself go in because there were no assigned seats? If not, the recap is here.
Not too long after that, I heard that GRO was playing a free concert at a church here in town on a Friday evening. One band was going to open for them, and then GRO was going to take the stage about 8 p.m. I knew that after a long day at work, it would be hard to stay for long after 8 p.m., but I thought I'd at least get to hear a few of their songs.
On the night of the concert, to my delight, they announced that GRO would be playing first. I was able to see their whole show for free. It may seem small and insignificant, but to me, it was a reminder that God sees and hears our smallest desires. It was a redeeming concert just for me, by His grace alone.
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Gifts of Family, Food, & Fun
Though I haven't blogged about it recently, my list of gifts continues. The list grew exponentially after spending the past week with my family.
Getting to see both my mom and sister other than the holidays is a treat because our work schedules don't always coincide. But the extra planning that went into getting us together for the week of Memorial Day was well worth it. I only wish there were more pictures to capture all the gifts we shared over this week.
771. Safe, timely travel by train
772. Laughter with Mom and Erin
...
775. Games with family
...
777. Family nap time
778. Homemade chocolate chess pie
779. Watching Tiffany D make-up videos with Erin
...
781. Getting an eye appointment with my childhood optometrist and eye drops that cure eye infections
782. Skip Bo at Nona's
783. Thank-you text from a friend
784. Going through childhood jewelry boxes to find "treasures" like old fortunes from Chinese restaurants
...
786. Rolling Erin's hair on hot rollers
787. Erin applying my make-up
...
789. Fish tacos at the lake
790. Hotel room with perfect view of the Austin bats (only we never saw them!)
791. Breakfast at Trio with pancakes that Wolfgang Puck raved about
792. Whipped sweet potatoes from Galaxy Cafe
793. Home Slice Pizza
794. Catching up with Erin's friend
795. Sustaining energy to attend conference despite lack of sleep, a rash, a fever, and a raging sinus infection
...
797. Awesome lunch at East Side Cafe
798. Safe travel from Austin back to hometown
...
800. Sleeping in my childhood bed
801 & 802. Wearing hats to a tea and hearing stories of redemption at the Christian Women's Job Corps
803. More games
804. Safe travel back
...
806 807. Having a friend pick me up at the train station and bringing me home so that I wouldn't have to face an empty house (1st trip since Annie passed away)
Getting to see both my mom and sister other than the holidays is a treat because our work schedules don't always coincide. But the extra planning that went into getting us together for the week of Memorial Day was well worth it. I only wish there were more pictures to capture all the gifts we shared over this week.
771. Safe, timely travel by train
772. Laughter with Mom and Erin
...
775. Games with family
...
777. Family nap time
778. Homemade chocolate chess pie
779. Watching Tiffany D make-up videos with Erin
...
781. Getting an eye appointment with my childhood optometrist and eye drops that cure eye infections
782. Skip Bo at Nona's
783. Thank-you text from a friend
784. Going through childhood jewelry boxes to find "treasures" like old fortunes from Chinese restaurants
...
786. Rolling Erin's hair on hot rollers
787. Erin applying my make-up
...
789. Fish tacos at the lake
790. Hotel room with perfect view of the Austin bats (only we never saw them!)
791. Breakfast at Trio with pancakes that Wolfgang Puck raved about
792. Whipped sweet potatoes from Galaxy Cafe
793. Home Slice Pizza
794. Catching up with Erin's friend
795. Sustaining energy to attend conference despite lack of sleep, a rash, a fever, and a raging sinus infection
...
797. Awesome lunch at East Side Cafe
798. Safe travel from Austin back to hometown
...
800. Sleeping in my childhood bed
801 & 802. Wearing hats to a tea and hearing stories of redemption at the Christian Women's Job Corps
803. More games
804. Safe travel back
...
806 807. Having a friend pick me up at the train station and bringing me home so that I wouldn't have to face an empty house (1st trip since Annie passed away)
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Path
On April 1, 2010, a friend showed me this path, and we walked it together. I thought it was going to do me in with all its steep inclines. Despite the fact that the path is replete with numerous hills and that the temperature was hot most of the time, I walked this path over and over again last year until it got too cold to walk or college football season started, I can't remember which.
I started walking this path at a time when I felt like my life was stagnating, and this path let me think things through. It was a constant that could have felt repetitive as the path didn't change day after day, but there was such a sense of completion in walking the 3.4 miles up and down those hills. That path became a great reminder that sometimes we are supposed to just keep walking the path, even when it feels circular, as we wait on God.
Instead of a circular path, you might be traveling a steep path in your own life right now. But I would encourage you to stay on it until you hear God directing you to go another way, and hold onto these Truths as you walk your path:
My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not stumbled. Psalm 17:5
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11
He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Psalm 23:3
In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6
And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, received the promise. Hebrews 6:15
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Safe Life
Do you ever find something that you've written in the past and wonder how you lost the passion for the topic you wrote about? Over the weekend, I sifted through drafts of blog posts that were half written but never finished. This one caught my attention and demanded to be finished. So here's a blog post I started back in January.
Now that Francis Chan is back in the States, I've been listening to a lot of his sermons. Several months ago, I saw a link on a blog to a sermon Chan gave in 2006, and it describes me to a T:
For whatever reason, I was not born with a sense of adventure. It takes a lot for me to try new things. This was a positive as a teenager because I was not bullied by peer pressure. But on the negative side, I've lived a pretty routine, safe life.
But lately, I keep reading books and hearing sermons on how life wasn't meant to be lived safely, all cocooned away.
Chan preached at Passion 2011 in Atlanta on Philippians 1:27: "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel."
He talked about how he questioned whether he was living a life worthy of the Gospel and put the Bible on one side of an old-fashioned balance and used the other side to weigh his life. He ultimately concluded that he needed to go to Asia to see how courageous Christians were leading millions of people to Christ, even in the face of being tortured and beaten, because he wanted to know what it takes to have faith like that.
The stories he told upon his return focused on how those Christians in Asia expected persecution and clung to their faith despite whatever was thrown at them. I heard Chan tell some of these same stories at Passion 2011 here in Fort Worth, and they stirred up a sense that the balance is definitely off. When he told those Christians in Asia that we, here in America, aren't persecuted for our faith like they are, they asked why not; they pointed out that the Bible promises persecution for those who believe.
They pose an interesting question. Are we doing something wrong? Are we serving up Gospel-lite instead of the full force of the Gospel (if we are serving any at all)? Are we not living any differently from the world, and so we blend in enough to not be persecuted?
I'd have to say that I'm guilty. Guilty of thinking that a safe life is one that will be rewarded by God. That if I say enough of the "right" prayers, I can stay cocooned away from seeing the tragedies that happen every day. That if I give, I will be excused from going and serving.
But this isn't the Truth.
Instead, the Truth states, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) And more Truth, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations." (Matthew 28:19)
This hit my radar in January and, like many things, fell off for months until I saw the draft. I know I have sat idly by for too long. I'm involved in some ministries for orphan, but I've never gone anywhere. Looks like I need to be praying about the where. Even if it's just across town to the parts that I usually don't travel to. That would be a start in taking baby steps away from the cocoon.
Now that Francis Chan is back in the States, I've been listening to a lot of his sermons. Several months ago, I saw a link on a blog to a sermon Chan gave in 2006, and it describes me to a T:
For whatever reason, I was not born with a sense of adventure. It takes a lot for me to try new things. This was a positive as a teenager because I was not bullied by peer pressure. But on the negative side, I've lived a pretty routine, safe life.
But lately, I keep reading books and hearing sermons on how life wasn't meant to be lived safely, all cocooned away.
Chan preached at Passion 2011 in Atlanta on Philippians 1:27: "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel."
He talked about how he questioned whether he was living a life worthy of the Gospel and put the Bible on one side of an old-fashioned balance and used the other side to weigh his life. He ultimately concluded that he needed to go to Asia to see how courageous Christians were leading millions of people to Christ, even in the face of being tortured and beaten, because he wanted to know what it takes to have faith like that.
The stories he told upon his return focused on how those Christians in Asia expected persecution and clung to their faith despite whatever was thrown at them. I heard Chan tell some of these same stories at Passion 2011 here in Fort Worth, and they stirred up a sense that the balance is definitely off. When he told those Christians in Asia that we, here in America, aren't persecuted for our faith like they are, they asked why not; they pointed out that the Bible promises persecution for those who believe.
They pose an interesting question. Are we doing something wrong? Are we serving up Gospel-lite instead of the full force of the Gospel (if we are serving any at all)? Are we not living any differently from the world, and so we blend in enough to not be persecuted?
I'd have to say that I'm guilty. Guilty of thinking that a safe life is one that will be rewarded by God. That if I say enough of the "right" prayers, I can stay cocooned away from seeing the tragedies that happen every day. That if I give, I will be excused from going and serving.
But this isn't the Truth.
Instead, the Truth states, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) And more Truth, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations." (Matthew 28:19)
This hit my radar in January and, like many things, fell off for months until I saw the draft. I know I have sat idly by for too long. I'm involved in some ministries for orphan, but I've never gone anywhere. Looks like I need to be praying about the where. Even if it's just across town to the parts that I usually don't travel to. That would be a start in taking baby steps away from the cocoon.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Life at the Diamonds
Many who live in Cowtown have no clue of the buzz of activity that goes on down a remote road near I-35. Even after you turn off on Old Hemphill Road, you might think you've turned onto the wrong street. But less than a half a mile down, the cars lining the road will clue you in that you've come to the right place.
Boys and girls with gloves and bats file into the gates and head toward their assigned field. They have to weave in and out of kids standing in the concessions line and dodge baseballs that are being pitched back and forth to warm up before a game.
If you are able to zigzag through all the above activity and make your way to the peewee field, the pint-sized players with their uniforms on, especially those with pink bats and helmets, will steal your heart. Some are more serious about the game than others, or at least as serious as their attention span will allow.
The seven-year-old team has seen its share of hard times this season. They are a young team that's had to face some stiff competition. Hits are hard to come by, and so are plays to get three outs on the other team. Sometimes the excitement of grabbing the ball boils over into throwing too hard, and a base hit turns into a double or a triple. Thankfully, losses seem to be easily overcome with after-the-game snacks from the concession stand.
But this little locale has more than just a few games going on. There's a lot of life being lived between the plays. As parents catch up with one another, wisdom and encouragement are served up left and right. One man shares pictures on his ipad of his son meeting Colt McCoy at an event earlier in the week and shows how his daughter was featured at the event. A mother tells about her trip to New Mexico that made her miss last week's game, but another mother is quick to fill her in on the fantastic play her son made. After the game, parents mingle with the parents of the older kids and cheer on their children, exchanging parenting advice in between plays.
Even as fun as it is to watch these young kiddos playing America's favorite pasttime, it's just as fun (and more beautiful) to watch this little community doing life together.
Boys and girls with gloves and bats file into the gates and head toward their assigned field. They have to weave in and out of kids standing in the concessions line and dodge baseballs that are being pitched back and forth to warm up before a game.
If you are able to zigzag through all the above activity and make your way to the peewee field, the pint-sized players with their uniforms on, especially those with pink bats and helmets, will steal your heart. Some are more serious about the game than others, or at least as serious as their attention span will allow.
The seven-year-old team has seen its share of hard times this season. They are a young team that's had to face some stiff competition. Hits are hard to come by, and so are plays to get three outs on the other team. Sometimes the excitement of grabbing the ball boils over into throwing too hard, and a base hit turns into a double or a triple. Thankfully, losses seem to be easily overcome with after-the-game snacks from the concession stand.
But this little locale has more than just a few games going on. There's a lot of life being lived between the plays. As parents catch up with one another, wisdom and encouragement are served up left and right. One man shares pictures on his ipad of his son meeting Colt McCoy at an event earlier in the week and shows how his daughter was featured at the event. A mother tells about her trip to New Mexico that made her miss last week's game, but another mother is quick to fill her in on the fantastic play her son made. After the game, parents mingle with the parents of the older kids and cheer on their children, exchanging parenting advice in between plays.
Even as fun as it is to watch these young kiddos playing America's favorite pasttime, it's just as fun (and more beautiful) to watch this little community doing life together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)