It's been almost three months now without Annie. During this time, I've been adjusting to a new normal. One that is filled with a lot more silence but not nearly as much emptiness as I'd expected.
God has been so gracious to comfort me in a hundred ways that I never could have imagined. I've also felt a tugging reminding me that I need to seek comfort from Him when things upset me, which is when I normally would have turned to Annie. I didn't realize how often I looked to her for comfort, but now I'm keenly aware of it.
The time without her has not all been easy. Tears slide down my cheeks at unsuspecting moments, often right before bed. And there have been times when I've had to interrupt my autopilot to remind myself that routines have changed in her absence.
Part of me really wants to adopt another Golden right now. I've allowed myself to check the website for rescue Goldens, but in my heart, I know that now isn't the time. I'm trying to pay off some bills, but more than that, I want to get into the habit of turning to God instead of to a pet or a person for comfort. I would love for that to be my default before I adopt another dog. And I'm praying for God to show me whether it's wise for me to adopt again since I know that Annie will be the standard to which all other dogs will be compared.
So there's a lot of heart work going on right now. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. It just takes time to turn from old ways.