Monday, August 18, 2008

And the Oscar Goes to . . .

Obviously not me because I am not a good actress. I'm a decent prepared speaker, but I cannot ad lib or give impromptu presentations. Yet, I was persuaded to try acting once during a New Year's Eve party. It was all caught on tape. One that I, and I alone, used to possess. I think it has been destroyed because it was so painful to watch as I struggled to portray the designated scene I drew from the hat. Something along the lines of role playing people at a nursing home, using swimming noodles as canes.

But it's times like these when I wish I could rely on natural acting talent. To act like I'm not nervous. To come across as thoroughly prepared.

I'm not, and that frustrates me. I don't want to come off as the newbie professor. Mostly because I can't recall a single professor or teacher I had who appeared nervous or anxious on the first day of class. All of their lectures seem perfectly timed to cover the exact amount of material that was assigned. Something I took for granted until now.

But I cannot be other than who I am: The new adjunct professor who has no idea if she can speak for an hour and fifty minutes.

I'm debating how much of this struggle to reveal up front. Because the tiny percent of me that isn't nervous says that I ought to simply be real. To lay out my fears and ask for the students to help me along with questions. Because there's no way of getting around the school's requirements that we must meet for the allotted time EVERY week, with no early releases. That already puts several strikes against me, but hopefully all of the professors are on an equal playing field when it comes to this requirement.

And so I plan a little more. And pray a lot. Hoping that tomorrow goes smoothly. I'll try to post the "results" tomorrow. Until then, I hope there's not any drama worthy of an oscar.

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