[Disclaimer: If you've ever wondered what introverts do, the following is a typical example. We think lots. We sometimes write down what we think. And what we write doesn't always tie up in a neat bow because we continue to think. So beware what you tell an introvert because he or she may think long and hard about it!]
Over lunch this weekend, a friend mentioned that she was seeking God about what her role is in a particular activity in her life. At the time, I didn't recognize the significance of her comment. But since then, I've been thinking about my role in life, and I've realized that I don't really know what it is.
I am not a wife or a mother. Both of those roles have important tasks that are fairly defined that go along with them. Namely, those roles have a particular person or persons to serve.
But because I am neither of those roles, I've felt more like a wanderer without a guide. While I'm grateful to know some gals who are on a path similar to mine, they aren't enough years ahead of me to show me the direction for the path ahead. So, I've kind of made up my way as I go along. I try to listen for God's leading, but I honestly don't know if I've heard Him correctly because right now looks a whole lot like the past ten to fifteen years. I realize this is the blink of an eye on God's clock, but it feels like an eternity according to my watch.
In my current role, I don't know who I am supposed to serve on this earth. I know that we are called to serve "the least of these," and I attempt to do that with my finances, but is that enough? Are there particular people that I should be using my time to reach out to?
I continue to be pointed to Matthew 6:33 to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness," but I don't know what that is supposed to look like in my life. Seeking means to constantly pursue, but in the context here, that doesn't mean pursuing accomplishments or the things of this world. It's more about relationship than performance.
So right now, I find myself sitting in God's school room trying not to overcomplicate this but also trying to hear what He has to say about this particular subject because I don't want to waste my life on a made-up role. I want to play the role He made me for.