Worship - Vertical Cadaver Style

In my community group, we are continuing our study of the book Satisfy My Thirsty Soul. Chapter 4 is entitled "Expanding My Worship Experience, and in it, Linda Dillow shares an email written by Dr. Sam Storms entitled "I Saw Joni Dance." The email describes how Joni Eareckson Tada, a quadriplegic and renown speaker, moved her wheelchair forward, backward, and side to side as the worship music played during one of her speaking events. Dr. Storms commented in his email, "I had to ask myself why I often stand like a vertical cadaver. I have the glorious gift and privilege of being able to celebrate God and honor Him with my body. I can kneel, lift my hands to heaven, fall prostrate, clap, and yes, move to the right and left and dance."

Isn't that convicting? It was to me, a vertical cadaver worshiper through and through.

I am not a dancer. The few people I have danced with can attest to that. Dancing makes me uncomfortable. I like things with rules and dancing is so . . . free. In my rule-loving world, I want to know choreographed moves for the whole song. It's foreign to me to let the music lead my movement, like a child hearing a song for the first time.

I think that's why it's hard for me to worship with free movement of my body. I don't allow the Holy Spirit to direct my movement. I do it my way. And the weird thing is, I don't stand out. Most people seem to worship the same way I do.

I can't attest to what's going on inside them, and I won't try. I know that I often feel things deeply during worship, but I don't let them show on my face. Or in my movement, or lack thereof.

Even as I focus on the church altar and watch the light of the candles, wiggling and dancing as they are coaxed by the air conditioning, I cannot say that I don't long for that kind of free, unchoreographed movement. But, I'm simply not there yet in my worship. Part of that is the fear of being watched or standing out from the crowd, and part of that is me wanting to be in control.

I know that this isn't something that I can get past on my own. I have to ask for help, and then I must listen for direction and obey. No matter what that looks like or feels like. Because in the end, worship is part of my love offering to God.

Spring Has Sprung

It seems like everything's in bloom right now, including my blog postings! I posted over at my writers' group's blog today.

However, today is the end of a four-day weekend for me, so the blog-post blooming might not commence again until the end of the week. But stay tuned because you never know when I might carve out a few minutes to blog!

Special Easter

Truthfully, sometimes Easter comes and goes without my connecting to the Resurrection. I've often been to church services on Easter that seemed like exact duplicates of the previous year. It's not that I expect the message to change; after all, it is the Gospel. Instead, I often fail to open my eyes, ears, mind, and heart to see, hear, and experience the life-giving message anew.

But this Easter was different.

To begin with, our church held its first service in its new building. I walked through the building in awe and amazement because just four days before, the building looked like a war zone. The transformation that had taken place was as if new life had been breathed into this structure. It felt like home. And the cool thing is that our church body did the bulk of the work ourselves and that we did it in twenty-three days. Truly amazing.

The service proved that where two or more are gathered, Jesus shows up. Big time. His presence was palable during the prayers, the music, the Scripture reading, the video clip that was shown, and most especially in the message from Philippians 3.

I left feeling renewed and was treated to a homemade lunch at the home of one of my friends. Several members from my small group joined the party, and we had a great time reminiscing.

Afterwards, I spent the afternoon finishing the book The Shack by William P. Young. I bought the book a few months ago after my friend TJ wrote a glowing review of it. So when I started the book, I knew it was going to be difficult to put down. As I devoured the pages, the recurring thought that kept going through my head was "this is the most creative book of Christian fiction that I've ever read." The story is simply amazing and unlike anything I've ever heard before. It was the perfect book to read on Easter because it helps readers understand the Trinity in a way that most have never thought about before. Here's one of the many sections of dialog that captured my attention (from p.112):

"You said if I really knew you it wouldn't matter what you looked like . . . "

"It is quite simple really. Being always transcends appearance---that which only seems to be. Once you begin to know the being behind the very pretty or very ugly face, as determined by your bias, the surface appearances fade away until they simply no longer matter."

So although I missed spending this Easter with my mom and sister, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be. I hope that you had a wonderful Easter as well!

Obedience in Action

I enjoyed my day off by attending a dog show. It wasn't a big national dog show, just a local one. But it had a huge turnout and was fun all the same.

My friend Nancy showed her German Shepherd, Heidi, in the Novice B obedience competition. They've been taking classes for a while now, and their hard work paid off. Heidi listened to Nancy's commands and followed them well, getting distracted by the crowd only a couple of times. At the end of her performance, she was awarded with a blue first-place ribbon and some cute doggie items.

As I thought about Heidi's small acts of obedience and the rewards that it brought her, I began to reflect upon the most magnificent act of obedience that took place on this day, Good Friday, so many years ago.

God asked His only Son to die for the sins of all mankind. And though Jesus requested that God "take this cup" from Him, He stated that He wanted His Father's will to be done, not His own. And because of His obedience, we received the gift of forgiveness for our sins and new life in the Father.

Father, thank You for the work You did on the cross through your Son. When I am tempted to do things my way, please bring my mind back to the concept that obedience produces blessing.

Food Fast

I didn't set out today with a fast in mind. The fact that I was fasting came to me mid-fast.

Last night before I went to bed, I decided that I wanted a smoothie for breakfast. So this morning, I picked up a smoothie on my way to work. About mid-morning, I decided that it might be a good idea to give my digestive system a little break by sticking to liquids today. I'd never done that of my own will before. And as with every first, I've learned some lessons. The most noticeable was that I have the potential to drink a lot of liquid if I forego solid food.

To most people, that's nothing new. But to this girl who is lucky to swig down a bottle of water during the day, which I know is a bad thing, it was a huge accomplishment to drink over 64 ounces of liquid, and most of that occurred before 5 p.m. I simply do not get thirsty. Or I'm unable to notice my thirst because I crowd it out with food.

Tomorrow, I'll go back to real food because I've felt what hunger is today. But I'm hoping that I'll also learn to recognize when I'm thirsty and be able to satisfy that with water instead of overcoming it with food. And I hope that I will recognize this tendency--to fill a need with something less than what is needed--in other areas of my life as well.

Opportunity Lost . . . and Found

I can't remember when I met Momma Bean and neither can she. That might sound odd, but we both have pretty good memories. We attended the same small college for undergrad, and we know that we met during our first year there, but pinpointing an exact time has eluded us. In essence, our friendship began without us even realizing it.

During our first two years of college, our paths didn't cross that often; she was taking science classes, and I was taking business classes. But once we became roommates during our third year, the official memory book started. We made evening runs to eat Chinese food or her favorite--Mexican food from The Adobe. We stayed up late trying to hit the word count as we wrote papers for our Directed Readings class. We made death-defying road trips on ice and snow to the south plains. Then, I graduated and went to work, and seven months later, she graduated.

She used her "lag time" to enjoy the arts, and I had the privilege of visiting her family in New Mexico and watching her perform, along with her brother, in a musical. Yes, Momma Bean can dance AND sing!

During the time after our graduations from college, we both applied to two graduate schools, and we both got accepted to the same university. We knew what that meant: we were meant to be roommates again.

However, our roommate days didn't last for long. Momma Bean married Daddy Bean, the object of one of our daring road trips, during the Christmas break that first year of grad school. But that didn't stop our friendship; after all, we still lived in the same city and attended the same church.

Our "calcium runs" to Marble Slab saw us through grad school, and I ended up moving to Fort Worth. I watched from afar as Momma and Daddy Bean began to grow their family through foster-adoption, a lengthy, emotional process that was hard to watch but for which the end-product is amazing.

Three years ago, Momma Bean called to let me know that they were moving here, to my city! I got to see her more frequently and attend some of the Beans' birthday parties and holiday cookouts. Momma Bean and I even got to celebrate our October birthdays together this past year with a night out for dinner.

I found out today that the Bean family is moving back to the south plains. When she told me that she was moving, I realized that I had failed to take advantage of her time in my town. I had assumed that she would be here forever. That we could grab lunch whenever. Yet, we haven't done that often enough over the past several years while she has lived here. She holds a full-time job, plays mother to three little girls and step-mother to Brother Bean, and is an amazing wife to Daddy Bean. So finding time with her wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. Instead, we let time get away.

I know that her moving will not cause our friendship to disintegrate. After all, we've done this before. Our friendship has withstood the test of distance. We just have to be more intentional about picking up the phone, emailing, and scheduling a road trip every now and then. In the meantime before she leaves in July, we have both agreed to make time to go to lunch and get together while they are still in town.

I share this to honor Momma Bean for her enduring friendship and to encourage you to spend time with your friends. Don't assume, like I did, that they'll always be just across town. Because sometimes, as I'm finding out, God likes to shake things up a bit and move people.

"A friend loves at all times . . . ." (Proverbs 17:17)

A Day of Smiles

I smiled more today than I have in a long time. Not all of them were natural smiles, and the camera captured that. Photos tell the truth when there's a fantastic photographer behind the lens. And Tammy Labuda worked her magic today to capture who I really am, not just my fake reality show.

About a month and a half ago, I entered a blog contest to win a free photo shoot. I wasn't lucky enough to win the main prize, but Tammy gave out a great consolation prize, of which I was one of the recipients.

Yet, it was a bit ironic that I had even entered the contest. I notoriously hate pictures of myself. I don't feel or think I'm photogenic. Mostly because I don't think pictures of me look "like myself," whatever that is.

In spite of my hangups, I asked Tammy to take some head shots, fully realizing that head shots are a bit like putting the cart before the horse because I haven't needed them for most of the writings that I've submitted. But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with Tammy. The photos on her website are so "real." And I'm all about real and authentic.

So I "cashed in" my consolation prize today and spent the bulk of the morning smiling at the lens of her camera as we picked vantage points outside at the Kimbell and the Botanic Gardens, two of my favorite places. Although the temperature was a bit nippy, we couldn't have asked for the sun to be any brighter or the sky to be any clearer.

And I think there must be something special about having pictures taken outside in the natural lighting. During the sneak peak that Tammy gave me of the shots she took, I glimpsed a bit of myself that I hadn't seen reflected in a picture before. I'm not exactly sure I can pinpoint it. Maybe it was the freedom to be myself or maybe it was the unexpected joy of making a new friend.

When I have the finished product, I hope to post it on the blog and let you decide. In the meantime, check out Tammy's website.

Not What I Had Planned To Do Tonight

The door unlocked with the press of a button. The key turned in the ignition like normal.

A screech and then silence.

With only that much warning, the battery in my vehicle had decided that today would be its last. It didn't care that it had recently tested in the "good" range. It was done.

That scene unfolded today at 5:00 as I was trying to dash to an appointment by 5:30. I realized that turning the key repeatedly was not going to encourage the battery back to life. Instead, I'd have to change. And thankfully, God paved the way:

1. I "happened" to park in a flat lot today instead of the parking garage. Had I parked in the multi-level garage, I have no idea how I'd have gotten my dead car out of there.
2. No one parked in front of me, leaving plenty of room for someone to jump my car.
3. The male co-worker who understands cars was still in the office and came out to jump my car, though we learned that a Honda Civic doesn't have enough juice to jump start an SUV.
4. I had just enough cell phone battery to make phone calls to cancel my appointment, enlist the help of AAA, and make arrangements with Firestone to have the battery replaced.
5. I was not charged for canceling my appointment. Woohoo!
6. My new AAA membership came in handy and provided me with a free "jump." The AAA truck driver arrived promptly, was not creepy, and was able to temporarily revive my battery.
7. I made it to Firestone before they closed their doors and was able to get both a new battery and an oil change, which I had planned to do on Sunday.

I can't believe that God worked out all those little details and that I didn't have to worry for a second about whether I would be taken care of. His provision constantly amazes me. Now I just need to start praying for financial provision for replacing the timing belt and making some other costly repairs to my aging vehicle.

More Reflections on Lent

I mentioned at the beginning of Lent that I'd be posting some devotionals on my writers' group blog, but I haven't done the best job of keeping that updated on this blog. So, here's a link to the devotional that I posted on February 25 entitled "Remembering the Sacrifice."

And tomorrow, my devotional entitled "The Gifts He Left Behind" will be published on my writers' group blog.

Times Are A Changin'

This past week's to-do list was a little different than normal:

1. Deal with inclement weather . . . twice in the same week. {check}



2. Turn the clocks forward. {check}

3. Prepare for co-worker’s departure at the end of the month. {in progress}

The weather vacillates daily here in Texas, and the time springs forward and falls backward twice a year. So you’d think that those frequent changes would have prepared me to be more flexible when other changes come along. Like the unexpected resignation of a co-worker.

But this is more personal. She has occupied the office next to mine for over four years. We share similar backgrounds and morals. And we both love Michael Bublé.

She’s leaving us to be a full-time Mommy to her daughter, who will turn three in July. Leaving her daughter in daycare was the hardest thing she’s had to do, and soon she will no longer have to endure the kiss-and-cry area in the mornings. She’ll be at home making scented play dough, reading books, having tea parties, and being present to watch her daughter’s reactions.

On one hand, I’m so excited for her because I know that she is being obedient and following her calling. One that no one else can fulfill.

On the other hand, I am sad that I won’t be able to walk into her office and hear about her weekend (complete with fun stories about what her daughter did or said) or to blow off steam, knowing that she’ll see my point and empathize with me.

Needless to say, whoever gets hired to “replace” her has big shoes to fill. He or she will need to be intelligent, a grammar guru, a wonderful writer, a diligent worker who is not afraid to tackle the tough stuff, a team player, a good listener, and a great cook (yes, this is a prerequisite for the job because we exchange baked goods at Christmas).

I’m going to enjoy having her as my office neighbor for the rest of the month, and then I’m going to look forward to the picnic lunches in the park that she has already promised to bring for the gals from work to enjoy.

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel." (Proverbs 27:9)

Always On My Mind

Last night, I swooned over this guy. I'm not one to be star struck, but there's just something about Michael Bublé. And his voice!

He performed an amazing concert with some of his new releases, like "Lost" and "Always On My Mind." But he sang plenty of old favorites as well, like "Fever" and "Home," during which pictures of Dallas flashed behind him.

At one point, he had the entire 6,000-member audience dancing to "Save the Last Dance For Me." But he also personalized the evening, by going out into the crowd to kiss on some kiddos, like this lucky little gal.

He received a few kisses of his own from some older gals on the front row. And he managed to endear himself to each member of the audience by expressing his humble gratitude. He said that he didn't come from millionaires, just parents who were hard workers. He said that he knew there were a lot of fancy people in the audience, a lot of people who paid good money for tickets, who got babysitters, who brought their kids, who went to fancy dinners, and that he doesn't take that for granted. He thanked everyone for supporting him and contributing to his success. He said he would come back as often as we'd "let" him.

And then he did what most performers would be afraid to do: he left the microphone, instructed the band to stop playing, and he sang part of "A Song for You." Just him. No amplification. And an awe-struck silence fell over the crowd. Truly amazing!

His opening act--Naturally 7--wasn't shabby either. They are an a capella group that reminded me a lot of Straight No Chaser. They sang an original song written from God's standpoint: "Say You Love Me (And There's No One Else Above Me)." They also performed what they call "vocal play," by making drum noises, guitar noises, and all the rest of the instruments with their mouths, while one or more of them sang on top of the background music that they had created. They quickly earned the audience's appreciation, respect, and a standing ovation.

I went to the concert with my friend Clarissa, thereby saving her husband from having to endure two hours of her fanning herself over the irresistible Michael Bublé. At the end of the concert, we concluded that the price we were about to pay in lost sleep from going to a concert on a night before a work day was little compared to the price we wish we had paid for front-row tickets.

The Big Picture

Today was "open mic" day at church. It's an opportunity for people to share what God is doing in their lives. "Open mic" day normally invokes a lot of fear, but today was different. I don't think anyone who shared was necessarily less fearful. Instead, they made up their minds to speak in spite of the fear.

Listening to what is going on in people's lives evokes an array of responses. One story is exciting, another is humbling, and yet another is sad. But above all, the stories remind us that God is at work. Even in the lives of those who did not speak.

I was also reminded of how each of our stories represent subplots in the amazing story that God is weaving together for all of mankind. Mine is such a small portion of HIS great story. And so often I forget that.

I tend to get self-focused. I begin to think that my problems are the biggest in the world. That my hangups are the hardest to get past. But that's simply not true. And hearing stories from our body of believers redirected my focus.

I am not the director, producer, playwright, or lead actor. I am merely a supporting actress in this story. And when I take the time to remember that, there's a lot less pressure because I'm not in control. Instead, I need only to listen to the Director and follow His cue.