This weekend, I reveled in the God who sees. Not who "saw" (past tense) but who "sees" (present tense). That was the theme of our church's second annual women's retreat. And it couldn't have been more perfect.
When my prayers go unanswered, I often wonder if God truly sees me. Does He see my desires? Do I matter to Him? I know the Sunday-school answer to these questions, but I struggle with believing the Truth about God's character. That He is omniscient and sees the tiniest of details, like the number of hairs on my head, as well as the huge desires that scream from my heart.
With a topic like that, I'm thankful that we had author Mary DeMuth at the helm leading us through our three sessions: (1) He sees your past, (2) He sees your secret fears, and (3) He sees your hectic todays. I've been a fan of Mary's since last year when I "met" her through my friend Tina's blog. I've even read some of Mary's books. But this weekend was the first time I got to meet her in person and put a spoken voice with her written words.
As I mentioned to Tina, I knew that Mary's writings were authentic, but I thought she might withhold just a little of herself when speaking before a group of women. Thankfully, I was wrong. We got the "unplugged" version of Mary as she bravely shared her story--a story filled with numerous hurts that have been covered by God's grace. To hear Mary's story and see her today, one can't help but believe in our redemptive God and know that He sees it all and redeems it all.
Retreats often appear to be fun getaways, and this one was to an extent. But it also opened my eyes to some heartwork that needs to get done.
And yet, even with a four-day weekend, I managed only to dip my toe into the pool of what God wants to teach me and instead chose to immerse myself in housework the rest of the time. Mostly because I can see an immediate difference after I vacuum and mop the floors whereas heartwork is a process, often without instant results. So now I have shiny floors to reflect my disobedience and my urge to run from God's call to sit at His feet. And somehow their shininess isn't as attractive as I thought it would be.
Ever have the urge to run away after a retreat? I have to wonder if maybe that's why they call them retreats.