Though I haven’t given birth to a child, this first posting can be compared with nothing less than birthing. I have carried around ideas for months and have even written out several blog postings, but it is the writing of this debut posting that has given me such pains.
I feel this overwhelming need to make a good first impression. Consequently, for weeks now I have been changing the template of this blog (I believe the current one is actually the sixth incarnation); I have edited the links and the written material in the margins; and I have been struggling with what to put in this first posting. I’ve put such pressure on this first one, thinking that you might not stop back by again if it wasn’t full of pizzazz. I wanted everything to be pleasing and perfect for everyone who read this.
And then I saw the movie Copying Beethoven, and it was as if the character Beethoven was speaking directly to me: “See, in your work, you’re obsessed with structure, with choosing the correct form. You have to listen to the voice speaking inside of you. I didn’t even really hear it myself until I went deaf.” And to hopefully prevent having to endure deafness, I’ve decided to listen to the voice inside me and actually birth (i.e., transcribe) what it is saying.
And so I started writing this and thinking back to seeing pictures of minute-old babies straight from the womb, and I realized that just-birthed babies really aren’t all that cute. There’s a lot of cleanup and training to be done. But the baby is loved nonetheless. Because of whom he or she is. Not for anything that the child may or may not do in the future.
So, in that same vein, I hope that you will enjoy this blog simply for what it is--reflections from my daily life as I attempt to process what God is teaching me. I know that I need some cleanup of my own and hope that by writing more frequently both my writing and my ability to process life will improve.
Another of my hopes is that what I write will resonate with you on some level and maybe even cause you to ask God questions about what is going on in your life. However, I know that I can’t make you react a certain way, just as a parent can’t make a child act a certain way. Writing has its limitations because all writing is merely words strung together. And my words, in and of themselves, are not magical.
So maybe this is what it is like for parents--birthing a child, trying to do the cleanup but realizing your limitations, doing your best in spite of the limitations, and turning the rest over to God. And so shall I.
I hope you’ll join me during the process. Because who knows, this “baby” might just turn out to be the cutest thing that you’ve ever laid eyes on!