Disconnected

Have you ever felt disconnected? I’m feeling that way right now on several levels.

For one, I didn’t watch or listen to any news last week while I was on vacation, so I have no idea if there was some major news event of which I should be aware (and I’m not speaking of updates on Paris Hilton's jail status, but rather nationwide and worldwide events). In the grand scheme of things, this disconnectedness doesn't bother me that much because I know that I can get online and search archives of newspapers if I so desire.

For another, my head is feeling physically disconnected from my body. This is a little different from what I talked about in my post entitled “14 Inches” a few weeks ago. Instead, this disconnection is a result of sleep deprivation. My exhausted head and eyes decided to shut down this evening for about three hours, though the rest of my body felt fine. After a good night’s rest, I’m hoping that this disconnectedness will resolve itself.

But the main disconnection I’ve been feeling is a disconnection from God. I don’t mean that I’ve thrown my beliefs aside and become an atheist or an agnostic. I also don’t mean that I’ve tried to connect with God and heard, “The number you’ve reached is no longer a working number. Please check the number and try again.” Quite the contrary. I feel like God has been wanting to connect with me, and I’ve ignored Him. I’ve missed what He wanted to tell me and have no archive I can search for the missed updates. All because I’ve been too busy. Too busy getting ready for vacation. Too busy at work. Too busy on vacation. Too exhausted upon my return.

For some reason, every time I go on vacation I have these grand illusions that I will spend a lot of good time with God and studying His Word. I feel like I’ll have all this “extra” time to pray and just enjoy His character and company. And, inevitably, that’s not the case. Instead, it’s as if I go off and leave God during the day while I’m out having fun, and then crash into bed with a few prayer requests and “thank yous,” and maybe even fall asleep before finishing those. This isn’t anyone’s fault but my own. And so instead of coming back from vacation refreshed and renewed spiritually, I always tend to come back empty.

The good thing is that this emptiness nags at me. It beckons me to get back in step with God. To seek Him out. To reconnect with Him.

Thank You, Lord, that You willingly gave up Your Son for my sake, giving me a direct line of communication with You. Please continue to give me a hunger and a thirst to connect with You and to spend time in Your Word. Refresh and renew me. And help me not to vacation from You. Amen.